Lately

The last time I had a comprehensive update was April so we're due for one now that it's nearly the end of September.

Work: After a month of maternity leave, I returned back to language. Only now, it's mostly just 2-hour tutoring sessions on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays with my language teacher and nothing else. I don't study, review, work on projects, keep up my sign language journal, upload video after video to be evaluated, etc. I'm trying to settle into a routine of work and baby. I am learning, sometimes well and sometimes nearly having a meltdown, how to juggle Darcy and concentrate on language during each tutoring session, even resorting to holding my video camera with one hand and feeding Darcy in my other arm. My teacher laughs at me. As for G, he is now taking Tkish (verbal language) for the next three months so that will help a lot. He is enjoying it. He also has found a tutor for the sign language, too. That's huge since he has been without one since March. 

Culture: The previous post before this one was about the baby myths and culture clash that I've run into. Read that.

A: She keeps us busy, laughing, and frustrated all at the same time. She's challenging and absolutely endearing. Her preschool went into play mode all summer and now it's back in session so she'll be learning. I love her preschool. She is learning to draw lines from object to object, tracing, and draw a line in a maze, all in this workbook that her Nonna gave her. I've decided that she's a warrior princess because she is so girly yet plays like a boy. She would be that girl in a tiara and princess costume streaked with grass stains, running and out-climbing boys. She would have a dainty tea party and turn around to play monsters. She'd color sweetly in her Color Wonder princess book and then go build "scary robots" out of Legos with her friend Owen who would be building a landscape (this one happened today). I love this mixture in her. My hope is that she will continue to be girly and also be athletic because I think playing sports is a great teacher in confidence, teamwork, perseverance, and self-discipline. A will always be my wonder child because she is the first to do everything and I will always be admiring her as I watch her develop before my eyes. 

DB: She is so sweet. She's 7 weeks old and has kept me very busy. She's been a great night sleeper once she got her days and nights straightened out and started sleeping 8 hours straight at 4-5 weeks (I think it's because of her weight). Her daytime naps are improving. Now that she's past the 6-week hump of newborn fussiness, she has become very laid-back and happy. I just love her. I am definitely eating up every cuddly minute I have because I know what is coming...she will grow up and away from me.

Hearth and Home: 

• It's messy, ha! G does a great job in helping me keep the house in order and he has been very helpful in every other way. I'm having trouble getting in a new routine of keeping the house in running order but I think since DB is starting to fall into a more predictable routine, I can develop a routine again. 
• After a year of living here, we still have nothing on the walls. We keep talking about hanging the pictures but somehow, it never happens. I've been meaning to sew up curtains for Ava's room but that hasn't happened either. 
• I normally try to decorate a little for the fall season and later on, the holidays (wreaths, pumpkin spice candles, etc), but I haven't had any interest this time. Maybe I'll make cookies celebrating fall and I'll be on the lookout for pumpkins later. I love pumpkin madly. 

Free Time: What free time? Ha! While I was on a month-long maternity leave, constantly nursing, changing diapers, wiping spit-up, soothing DB to sleep, I was pretty much chained to one spot on the couch. It was hard to get much done. As I sat and nursed, I watched a lot of TV shows on Netflix and Hulu. I remember doing the same thing with A. My maternity leave ended three weeks ago and I stay pretty busy but I'm always forced to stop and sit down to nurse so I don't mind taking a few minutes to relax. I don't watch Hulu and Netflix while nursing anymore. I managed to get about four hours of alone time to myself out of the house at Starbucks last week on a cold, rainy day which was perfect for snuggling up with a book, the Word, iPod nano, and my journal. Of course, decaf coffee. I'd been cooped up for four days straight prior to my Starbucks escape. I don't see my date with a cup of coffee and a book as free time as much as I see it as necessary for survival and for being a good mom. Anyway, I have not stopped reading, even if it has taken me all summer to read thirty chapters in a single book (Future Grace by J. Piper). I have read two books by John Irving (A Prayer For Owen Meany and Cider House Rules) and I'm slowly working through The Accidental Tourist by Anne Tyler. The fiction books are actual paperbacks (after reading on the Kindle for over a year and half) that our friends brought us from the States back in June.  

Upcoming Holidays: Thanksgiving is a long way off. Yes, I intentionally skipped over Halloween because it's not really a family holiday and it's definitely not a holiday here so it doesn't count in my book. 

Weather: After a hot summer, the cool weather we've been having is a big welcome. I actually got chilly sleeping under just a sheet last night. Pretty soon, we can pull out our bedspread from storage (we were sleeping with either nothing or a sheet covering us so it was pointless to keep a bedspread around) and sleep comfortably. I think hot weather is gone for good. 

Visitors: We recently had G's parents come for a visit and we loved seeing them. We hadn't seen G's dad for a year and half and his mom only once in the same time frame. It was great fun seeing them and they were a big help in keeping A busy and soothing DB. G and I even got to go on a couple of dates. My mom is coming in a week, also a year since we last saw her. I've enjoyed having family visit. We also have a friend coming to visit with us in late October on his way to the conference. A couple of co-workers (working with the Deaf) will visit us after a conference in a nearby city in December. 

Maybe the next comprehensive update will be around the holidays.

Baby Myths and Cultural Clash

I might have mentioned in a previous post about the myths surrounding pregnancy and the unsound advice I encountered while pregnant. It doesn't stop here; it continues surrounding the baby.

For instance, DB has a strawberry birthmark on her upper right arm. No one knows what causes these strawberry marks but they are a tight cluster of blood vessels. The myth here is that birthmarks are caused by something the mother stole and ate or smelled while pregnant. I asked what it was that I'd supposedly stolen and eaten but they did not know; it is unique to each pregnant woman.

Here's another example:

My language teacher, H, came to meet DB when she was a week old. H pinned this gold coin (I'm not sure it's real - maybe just symbolic) to DB's shirt and said it will keep away jaundice. I'm not sure if that's a common belief here surrounding the coin but I do know it is a typical gift to a newborn and the parents can convert the coin into cash for whatever baby needs.

Below is a picture I am throwing in, even though it has nothing to do with the topic at hand.

Language teacher and her husband - love them.

My language teacher asked me if I kept DB's umbilical cord after it fell off. I didn't. She said I should have because I could take it to an university that I want her to go to and surreptitiously throw it over the fence onto their property. That will ensure DB's acceptance to the university one day.

Babies are considered angels. I was feeding DB and my guests were getting ready to leave. I made as if I was going to get up and they fussed at me and told me to stay put because DB is an angel. I don't know if that meant that I needed to handle DB in some especial way.

Every time they ooohed and ahhed over the baby, they say "mas'allah" and spit twice. Not literally on the baby. They do this to keep jealous spirits or evil eye from harming the baby. Or at least, that's my understanding. "Mas'allah" means "as God wills."

They also seem to think the slightest breeze that runs over the baby will get her sick. The first two weeks of DB's life were very hot and I had the AC running and DB was covered with a blanket. The guests I was hosting scolded us for having the AC running. I obliged and turned it off and just patiently roasted in my own apartment until my guests left and I could turn it back on. They commented that DB's skin had become red and I politely pointed out that she turns red when she is hot and that's why we run the AC. I also said American babies like it cool (wink) and they seem to accept that. They wouldn't have accepted my more logical explanation that babies adjust and become used to whatever temperature you keep.

Since then, the weather has cooled down enough that I don't need the AC anymore and open windows suffice to keep cool. Today, I was admonished for having various windows open because the baby might get sick (I just can't win). They also said the reason behind her spitting up is the lovely breeze running through the apartment (huh?). They were concerned about which windows were open and had me shut one and leave the others. I didn't understand the logic behind that and didn't bother asking.

The same guest I hosted today immediately told me after coming into my apartment that I was holding my baby wrong. That got my hackles up. The three times that I've had nationals in my home since DB was born a month ago were full of advice and scolding concerning the baby (and her big sister on occasion), such as how I was holding her, how often I should feed her (every time DB made a peep or fussed, they said I needed to feed her, regardless that I'd just fed her half hour before), how she should be laying, where to set her down in the living room (out of the way, out of the breeze, away from anything that might fall on her during an earthquake), how often she needed to be bathed, how I should put her down to sleep, etc.

Wouldn't that drive you insane? It's driving me nuts because my culture is clashing with theirs. I have to accept that this is their culture. It's okay to advise, scold, and boss each other to death concerning childcare and probably everything else. I could do it also and they wouldn't bat an eye. This is a family- and group-oriented culture, the complete opposite of our individualistic, independent culture of America. In America, no mother would put up with another mother telling her how to raise her children. Most of us will tactfully keep quiet and avoid meddling in other people's business.

I was told the two ways to respond are a) "my mother taught me" and b) "this is how we do it in America."

Why response A works: this culture places a big premium on mothers. From what I have observed and heard, mothers are the ones who rear their children, pass down cultural norms, and basically educate their children. Every child grows up believing everything his mother said. If a mother told her child that indoor plants in a room suck the oxygen out and the child grows up and learns in biology class that plants actually create oxygen as a byproduct through photosynthesis, he will still believe his mother over his education. A friend of mine who earned his MBA here said his professor bemoaned the fact that the biggest thing holding this country back is the mothers because they continue to perpetuate myths and beliefs that can keep people in a grip of irrational fear and ignorance. So, if I say that my mother taught me, they respect that and leave me alone.

Why response B works: they understand things are done differently in other cultures and usually accept that fact. I submit to their culture in many ways, but there are things I won't budge on (like parenting) and will use this response.

So, I will have some tough navigation ahead. Even with the unsound advice, scolding, and myths driving me crazy, I will need to maintain a delicate balance of grace and respect without giving up my parenting philosophy and without alienating the people that I came to build relationships with.