For instance, DB has a strawberry birthmark on her upper right arm. No one knows what causes these strawberry marks but they are a tight cluster of blood vessels. The myth here is that birthmarks are caused by something the mother stole and ate or smelled while pregnant. I asked what it was that I'd supposedly stolen and eaten but they did not know; it is unique to each pregnant woman.
Here's another example:
My language teacher, H, came to meet DB when she was a week old. H pinned this gold coin (I'm not sure it's real - maybe just symbolic) to DB's shirt and said it will keep away jaundice. I'm not sure if that's a common belief here surrounding the coin but I do know it is a typical gift to a newborn and the parents can convert the coin into cash for whatever baby needs.
Below is a picture I am throwing in, even though it has nothing to do with the topic at hand.
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| Language teacher and her husband - love them. |
My language teacher asked me if I kept DB's umbilical cord after it fell off. I didn't. She said I should have because I could take it to an university that I want her to go to and surreptitiously throw it over the fence onto their property. That will ensure DB's acceptance to the university one day.
Babies are considered angels. I was feeding DB and my guests were getting ready to leave. I made as if I was going to get up and they fussed at me and told me to stay put because DB is an angel. I don't know if that meant that I needed to handle DB in some especial way.
Every time they ooohed and ahhed over the baby, they say "mas'allah" and spit twice. Not literally on the baby. They do this to keep jealous spirits or evil eye from harming the baby. Or at least, that's my understanding. "Mas'allah" means "as God wills."
They also seem to think the slightest breeze that runs over the baby will get her sick. The first two weeks of DB's life were very hot and I had the AC running and DB was covered with a blanket. The guests I was hosting scolded us for having the AC running. I obliged and turned it off and just patiently roasted in my own apartment until my guests left and I could turn it back on. They commented that DB's skin had become red and I politely pointed out that she turns red when she is hot and that's why we run the AC. I also said American babies like it cool (wink) and they seem to accept that. They wouldn't have accepted my more logical explanation that babies adjust and become used to whatever temperature you keep.
Since then, the weather has cooled down enough that I don't need the AC anymore and open windows suffice to keep cool. Today, I was admonished for having various windows open because the baby might get sick (I just can't win). They also said the reason behind her spitting up is the lovely breeze running through the apartment (huh?). They were concerned about which windows were open and had me shut one and leave the others. I didn't understand the logic behind that and didn't bother asking.
The same guest I hosted today immediately told me after coming into my apartment that I was holding my baby wrong. That got my hackles up. The three times that I've had nationals in my home since DB was born a month ago were full of advice and scolding concerning the baby (and her big sister on occasion), such as how I was holding her, how often I should feed her (every time DB made a peep or fussed, they said I needed to feed her, regardless that I'd just fed her half hour before), how she should be laying, where to set her down in the living room (out of the way, out of the breeze, away from anything that might fall on her during an earthquake), how often she needed to be bathed, how I should put her down to sleep, etc.
Wouldn't that drive you insane? It's driving me nuts because my culture is clashing with theirs. I have to accept that this is their culture. It's okay to advise, scold, and boss each other to death concerning childcare and probably everything else. I could do it also and they wouldn't bat an eye. This is a family- and group-oriented culture, the complete opposite of our individualistic, independent culture of America. In America, no mother would put up with another mother telling her how to raise her children. Most of us will tactfully keep quiet and avoid meddling in other people's business.
I was told the two ways to respond are a) "my mother taught me" and b) "this is how we do it in America."
Why response A works: this culture places a big premium on mothers. From what I have observed and heard, mothers are the ones who rear their children, pass down cultural norms, and basically educate their children. Every child grows up believing everything his mother said. If a mother told her child that indoor plants in a room suck the oxygen out and the child grows up and learns in biology class that plants actually create oxygen as a byproduct through photosynthesis, he will still believe his mother over his education. A friend of mine who earned his MBA here said his professor bemoaned the fact that the biggest thing holding this country back is the mothers because they continue to perpetuate myths and beliefs that can keep people in a grip of irrational fear and ignorance. So, if I say that my mother taught me, they respect that and leave me alone.
Why response B works: they understand things are done differently in other cultures and usually accept that fact. I submit to their culture in many ways, but there are things I won't budge on (like parenting) and will use this response.
So, I will have some tough navigation ahead. Even with the unsound advice, scolding, and myths driving me crazy, I will need to maintain a delicate balance of grace and respect without giving up my parenting philosophy and without alienating the people that I came to build relationships with.
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