Henna Night

My language teacher's niece (hearing) recently got married. My teacher invited me, knowing I was curious about the culture and traditions here. I am thankful that I got to observe.

Here, a couple days before the wedding, the women have what is called "henna night." It is ceremony in which the family of the bride give her away to the family of the groom. It is an ancient ritual (some say it dates back to prophet Muhammed), celebrated in the Middle East, North Africa, and India. From what I understand, the ritual had fallen out of favor after the founding of TKY in 1923, returned in recent years, and evolved quite a bit in the large cities (where the wealthier, secular urbanites had originally viewed the ritual as archaic and backwards) while the rural class never stopped holding the ritual, especially in the traditional way. So, the henna night that I saw was probably not very close to the traditional henna night from centuries past. From what I have read, the traditional henna night is heavy with symbolism and religious meaning.

On with the story.

I showed up on a Thursday night at the bride's mother home. I think henna night party is normally held in a rented salon (or what we would call a reception hall or ballroom) if you can afford it. After socializing and dancing, the bride went and changed into a traditional costume in another room with red veil over her head. Her outfit consisted of a blouse, long coat, and pantaloons type of pants that gathered at the ankle cuffs. Her shoes were the traditional slippers with toes that curled up to a point (very classic Middle Eastern). Her clothes were maroon with ornate gold embroidery and her veil was a bright red.

The lights were turned out and some ladies filed in with a square of sequined cloth in one hand and a candle in another. One of the ladies held a tray with four candles and a tray of henna paste. The bride came in, sat in a chair, and the ladies holding the candles walked in a circle around her. They are supposed to be unmarried so I assume they were. The tray with the henna was held over the bride's head for the duration. I can't remember if they were singing or if there was simply music. After the music or singing was done, everyone in the room began to sing a song, which to my ears sounded sad even though I didn't know the words. Later, I looked up the translation of the song:

"They shouldn't build homes on the high hills
They shouldn't give girls to faraway cities
They shouldn't upset the mother's one and only

May the birds carry the message
I miss my mother
Both my mother and father
I miss my village

I wish my father had a horse, he could jump on it and come
I wish my mother had a sail, she could open it and come
I wish my siblings knew the way, they could come

May the birds carry the message
I miss my mother
Both my mother and father
I miss my village"

Circling the bride

Tray over bride's head

At this point, the bride is supposed to cry. The mother cries, too. Later, when the lights were turned on, I noticed many other women crying. Anyway, during this song, the mother-in-law (in this case, the mother-in-law had passed away some years earlier so it was another relative) came to the bride while the other ladies continued to circle around. The mother-in-law is supposed to try and apply henna to the bride's hand (more on the henna in a moment) and the bride is supposed to refuse to open her hand. Then the mother-in-law puts a gold coin (more on the symbolism in a moment) and then applies henna. She closes the bride's hand and puts a scarf around both hands or gloves.

Coin in the bride's hand and applying henna 

Putting on gloves

Then after this was done, the lights were turned on, the bride began to kiss and hug everyone, starting with her teary mother. Those who were older and deserved honor, she held their hand and tapped the back of their hand on her chin and then her forehead (it's a sign of respect for elders).

Traditional garb with red veil 

The bride

 Refreshments and snacks were passed around and all the guests received henna in their palm.

Henna - it left an orange stain on my hand for nearly two weeks.

The symbolism of henna seems to be varied. From the research I've done, it is rooted in an old myth that henna started back in the days of the prophet Muhammed when he would put henna in the palms of his soldiers just before battle, to represent blood and sacrifice. There are other interpretations of henna. I have an excerpt from a research article and it's long so feel free to skip it. The excerpt also explains why the bride is expected to initially reject the mother-in-law's application of henna until she receives a gold coin.

"The dominant symbol in this traditional henna-night is the henna. It not only serves as a "means to the fulfillment of the avowed purposes" of the ritual, "but also more importantly refer values that are regarded as ends in themselves" (Turner 1967: 20). Both the attendees of the traditional and the new henna-nights comment that the red henna stands for blood. Some provide a further interpretation that blood implies the transformation of the bride from girlhood to womanhood. This interpretation voices a very strict traditional and religious norm, which defines the woman’s body as an object belonging to the husband. It dictates that females can transform from girlhood to womanhood only through marriage and that premarital sexual intercourse is not only forbidden, but also unquestionable. With this rite-of-passage the adult women are symbolically re-establishing a religious and traditional norm, which is considered by the conservatives as one of the basic principles that holds the Turkish society together. Through the female social solidarity in this women-only ritual, the traditional henna-night reproduces patriarchal relations, reifying their collective acceptance of male domination.

Other than explaining henna as the blood of the virgin, we can also interpret it as the blood of the warrior. Blood of the warrior refers to struggle, resoluteness, and sacrifice. As mentioned above, after the bride’s palms are colored, the attendees of the ritual, like the soldiers of the prophet, also color their palms with henna, establishing the collective understanding of marriage as a struggle in which the woman is responsible for its survival and "success" (i.e., keeping the family together and raising honest, moral and respectful children). Many folk poems and sayings convey the sacredness of blood. Blood implies dedication, honor and pride, and indicates the presence of sacred values to which people can devote their lives. Within this framework, the use of henna grants sacred properties to the institution of marriage. Unlike modern conceptions of marriage, it does not imply sacredness in terms of an intimate bond between man and woman. Rather marriage becomes an entity for raising children and an institution in which the honor of women (but not of men) is constructed. The woman is assigned the responsibility to make the necessary compromises to ensure the continuity of the family. Through coloring only the woman’s palms, she (but not her husband) is symbolically accepting this responsibility to sacrifice for her family. However, via the symbol of the mother-in-law putting a gold coin into the palm of the bride, some kind of responsibility is assigned to the groom’s family, if not to the groom directly. When the bride initially rejects the mother-in-law’s offer of henna, she symbolically is asking for a commitment from the groom’s family. Putting a gold coin in her palm, the mother-in-law is symbolically communicating their acceptance of the responsibility to provide financial security for the new family. But, with the responsibility comes power. The bride belongs to the groom’s family. The henna night establishes the authority of the groom’s parents, as well as the groom himself, over the bride." (source)

Quite interesting.

After henna night, G and I went to the wedding ceremony which I will share about in the next post.