We Are....

We are expecting a baby to join our little family around August 3! I am 8 weeks along.

You know, most people wait until the first trimester is over before making a public announcement like I just made. A lot of them do that because the risk of miscarriage is highest during the first trimester. I waited to announce my pregnancy with Ava, after telling only family and some close friends. I found myself doing the same with this pregnancy.

I got to thinking in the last couple of weeks. Why am I waiting? What am I afraid of? Our first pregnancy with baby Nikao ended in a miscarriage. That experience never goes away and can hang around like a specter in subsequent pregnancies. It hangs around in the back of your mind, coming to the forefront whenever something feels different, such as lack of morning sickness one day or a burst of energy another day, when the first trimester usually beats pregnant women down with fatigue and nausea. A previous loss makes you more careful, more paranoid. You avoid things with such undue diligence. Sometimes you're actually even thankful when a wave of nausea rolls over you because it's your proof that the pregnancy is still viable. With all of that comes the desire to wait to announce until the first trimester is over. Once you finally climb out of the first trimester pit and kiss it goodbye, you sigh a breath of relief as if all risk of the baby dying has disappeared in a poof.

But, you know, your pregnancy can end in a stillbirth in the second or third trimester. I don't mean to be gloomy, especially in the wake of our happy announcement. My point is that the risk of a loss doesn't stop in the first trimester. I could make the announcement at 12 weeks, only to lose the baby at 14 weeks. So what is it I am trying to avoid by delaying the announcement until the end of the first trimester if the risk, although low, is still present in the second and third trimesters?

I think that people follow the custom of waiting until the end of the first trimester to announce because if they do miscarry, then they can keep their pain private and to further avoid any more pain of having to explain over and over to many people that they've miscarried. It's understandable. I felt the same.

But, in doing so, I will have stolen the opportunity for the Father to be glorified. How is He glorified during a tragedy? With my miscarriage, I was walking through the saddest valley in my life and it was deep in that valley that I was paradoxically very happy. It was because I had such a tremendous, supernatural experience of walking with the Father closely, clinging to Him, and being infused with His comfort and strength. He didn't take the grief away but...I cannot put my finger on it...His brand of comfort somehow took away the bitter sting of grief. He is glorified because when I called to Him for help, He came through. He is able and faithful and will do the same for you.

This morning, as I was having my alone time with the LJC and my cup was overflowing, I was reminded - why are you afraid of another miscarriage? I remembered that the Father comforted me with our loss of Nikao. He can do it again but more than that, I know that He will do it again.

So, here I say: I am 8 weeks pregnant and I will not fear. In the case of loss, I will not hide my grief but will stand up and say, "The L-rd gave and the L-rd has taken away; blessed be the name of the L-rd," (Job 1:21). Let Him be glorified in me, in my life, in everything because He is good.