Which Is Better?

A question we get a lot from the nationals here is, "Which is better, America or here?" They seem to ask in economic terms and I think their perception is that America is a glorious place to live. It stems from the Hollywood movies that tend to portray America as affluent and comfortable. The Hollywood movies are misleading and also damaging to us ordinary American expats. We are portrayed as promiscuous, careless, disrespectful, amoral, and godless. I cringe every time I see a Britney Spears music video blasting on wide-screen TVs in stores and bars. So, I always have to point out that what they see in the movies isn't true of the whole country, just a small percentage. Not everyone owns these enormous mansions and drive fancy cars. Luckily, I don't deal with a lot of criticism from the folks here about America, as I had in Poland where Americans are viewed as fat and lazy.

So, how do we answer this question that forces us to consider their pride in their country? We tell them that America is our home and our families are there but this country is a great place, too. This satisfies them. Sometimes, I will tell them that they have an amazing, very rich history that go back thousands of years and America is young in comparison.

Another question we get asked frequently is whether food here is better than America and vice versa. Well, I'm usually able to deflect that question because I tell them I have celiac disease and cannot taste most of their cuisine so I can't make the comparison. I will also point out that America is a melting pot and there is a great variety of cuisines there that they do not have here. G usually answers that he likes both. I think they ask this because they take a lot of pride in their food and it seems very much a part of their identity. There are very little ethnic restaurants here which could be for a number of reasons such as: 1) the city isn't that cosmopolitan and therefore, there aren't many foreigners to open restaurants, 2) the nationals here love their own food and generally aren't interested in foreign cuisine. I imagine a lot of ethnic restaurants have opened and then eventually closed for the lack of business.

On to other things...

We really enjoyed having G's parents and my mom come for a visit. It's nice to see family again and for them to meet DB. We also had a good friend of ours stop by on a trip to visit with us for a few days. Last week was their sacrifice holiday here so our language tutors canceled to celebrate their holiday and visit with their families. We enjoyed the break from language and went to the seaside, 15 minutes away by car, for a picnic twice in a row. We managed to get a few things done, shop for winter clothes for the girls, and run some errands. When my mom came, she brought my smartphone that I'd ordered and shipped to her in the States. We jumped through a lot of hoops to get the phone registered here for use but I am glad to have it. It's proven useful for navigation in this crazy city, taking pictures for my language projects, taking videos of sign language when I am out for me to study later at home, tracking DB's feedings and naps with reminders, and for translation. I will be able to talk on video with my Deaf friends here and not have to text back and forth in Tkish. The phone is a great tool and cut down on some stress of living in another country. I'm glad that I made this improvement, even if we paid a pretty penny for it.

The only indication that fall has come is the temperatures dropping into the low 70s and upper 60s. Since we are surrounded by mostly concrete, we don't have fall foliage to give a sense of fall. I just baked a pumpkin tonight to make pumpkin puree for muffins and bread. That might be only taste of fall that we'll have. Did you know that pumpkins here are mainly gray?

This weekend, we are headed to the mountains about three hours away from the city for a 3-day mini-vacation. G's having "city shock" and anxious to get a break. I had my city shock last winter and some minor episodes from time to time but I could use a break from the city, too. We've rented a cabin with a fireplace and two bedrooms. We'll just need to bring our own food and we'll be set to enjoy the outdoors. It'll be DB's first road trip and she sleeps great in the car so it should be relatively smooth.

Here are some pictures. I posted some of these on Facebook but these are for the benefit of those who aren't on Facebook:

G and the girls

A and her best friend, Ada, from preschool. They are two peas in a pod.

Picnic by the sea

G and A

What do you call these? They were flying up and down the seaside.

We finally hung pictures, in a skyline style, a nod to our urban lifestyle. 

They don't celebrate Halloween here yet I saw this kid dressed
in a Buzz Lightyear costume out in public today.
Pretty brave of him and indulgent of his mother.
And so cute.

Edit: When I said Britney Spears music videos in bars, I didn't mean that I frequent them. :-) There are bars that open out onto the street and you can see the interior from the outside. It's hard to miss those giant flat-screen TVs. 

Lately

The last time I had a comprehensive update was April so we're due for one now that it's nearly the end of September.

Work: After a month of maternity leave, I returned back to language. Only now, it's mostly just 2-hour tutoring sessions on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays with my language teacher and nothing else. I don't study, review, work on projects, keep up my sign language journal, upload video after video to be evaluated, etc. I'm trying to settle into a routine of work and baby. I am learning, sometimes well and sometimes nearly having a meltdown, how to juggle Darcy and concentrate on language during each tutoring session, even resorting to holding my video camera with one hand and feeding Darcy in my other arm. My teacher laughs at me. As for G, he is now taking Tkish (verbal language) for the next three months so that will help a lot. He is enjoying it. He also has found a tutor for the sign language, too. That's huge since he has been without one since March. 

Culture: The previous post before this one was about the baby myths and culture clash that I've run into. Read that.

A: She keeps us busy, laughing, and frustrated all at the same time. She's challenging and absolutely endearing. Her preschool went into play mode all summer and now it's back in session so she'll be learning. I love her preschool. She is learning to draw lines from object to object, tracing, and draw a line in a maze, all in this workbook that her Nonna gave her. I've decided that she's a warrior princess because she is so girly yet plays like a boy. She would be that girl in a tiara and princess costume streaked with grass stains, running and out-climbing boys. She would have a dainty tea party and turn around to play monsters. She'd color sweetly in her Color Wonder princess book and then go build "scary robots" out of Legos with her friend Owen who would be building a landscape (this one happened today). I love this mixture in her. My hope is that she will continue to be girly and also be athletic because I think playing sports is a great teacher in confidence, teamwork, perseverance, and self-discipline. A will always be my wonder child because she is the first to do everything and I will always be admiring her as I watch her develop before my eyes. 

DB: She is so sweet. She's 7 weeks old and has kept me very busy. She's been a great night sleeper once she got her days and nights straightened out and started sleeping 8 hours straight at 4-5 weeks (I think it's because of her weight). Her daytime naps are improving. Now that she's past the 6-week hump of newborn fussiness, she has become very laid-back and happy. I just love her. I am definitely eating up every cuddly minute I have because I know what is coming...she will grow up and away from me.

Hearth and Home: 

• It's messy, ha! G does a great job in helping me keep the house in order and he has been very helpful in every other way. I'm having trouble getting in a new routine of keeping the house in running order but I think since DB is starting to fall into a more predictable routine, I can develop a routine again. 
• After a year of living here, we still have nothing on the walls. We keep talking about hanging the pictures but somehow, it never happens. I've been meaning to sew up curtains for Ava's room but that hasn't happened either. 
• I normally try to decorate a little for the fall season and later on, the holidays (wreaths, pumpkin spice candles, etc), but I haven't had any interest this time. Maybe I'll make cookies celebrating fall and I'll be on the lookout for pumpkins later. I love pumpkin madly. 

Free Time: What free time? Ha! While I was on a month-long maternity leave, constantly nursing, changing diapers, wiping spit-up, soothing DB to sleep, I was pretty much chained to one spot on the couch. It was hard to get much done. As I sat and nursed, I watched a lot of TV shows on Netflix and Hulu. I remember doing the same thing with A. My maternity leave ended three weeks ago and I stay pretty busy but I'm always forced to stop and sit down to nurse so I don't mind taking a few minutes to relax. I don't watch Hulu and Netflix while nursing anymore. I managed to get about four hours of alone time to myself out of the house at Starbucks last week on a cold, rainy day which was perfect for snuggling up with a book, the Word, iPod nano, and my journal. Of course, decaf coffee. I'd been cooped up for four days straight prior to my Starbucks escape. I don't see my date with a cup of coffee and a book as free time as much as I see it as necessary for survival and for being a good mom. Anyway, I have not stopped reading, even if it has taken me all summer to read thirty chapters in a single book (Future Grace by J. Piper). I have read two books by John Irving (A Prayer For Owen Meany and Cider House Rules) and I'm slowly working through The Accidental Tourist by Anne Tyler. The fiction books are actual paperbacks (after reading on the Kindle for over a year and half) that our friends brought us from the States back in June.  

Upcoming Holidays: Thanksgiving is a long way off. Yes, I intentionally skipped over Halloween because it's not really a family holiday and it's definitely not a holiday here so it doesn't count in my book. 

Weather: After a hot summer, the cool weather we've been having is a big welcome. I actually got chilly sleeping under just a sheet last night. Pretty soon, we can pull out our bedspread from storage (we were sleeping with either nothing or a sheet covering us so it was pointless to keep a bedspread around) and sleep comfortably. I think hot weather is gone for good. 

Visitors: We recently had G's parents come for a visit and we loved seeing them. We hadn't seen G's dad for a year and half and his mom only once in the same time frame. It was great fun seeing them and they were a big help in keeping A busy and soothing DB. G and I even got to go on a couple of dates. My mom is coming in a week, also a year since we last saw her. I've enjoyed having family visit. We also have a friend coming to visit with us in late October on his way to the conference. A couple of co-workers (working with the Deaf) will visit us after a conference in a nearby city in December. 

Maybe the next comprehensive update will be around the holidays.

Baby Myths and Cultural Clash

I might have mentioned in a previous post about the myths surrounding pregnancy and the unsound advice I encountered while pregnant. It doesn't stop here; it continues surrounding the baby.

For instance, DB has a strawberry birthmark on her upper right arm. No one knows what causes these strawberry marks but they are a tight cluster of blood vessels. The myth here is that birthmarks are caused by something the mother stole and ate or smelled while pregnant. I asked what it was that I'd supposedly stolen and eaten but they did not know; it is unique to each pregnant woman.

Here's another example:

My language teacher, H, came to meet DB when she was a week old. H pinned this gold coin (I'm not sure it's real - maybe just symbolic) to DB's shirt and said it will keep away jaundice. I'm not sure if that's a common belief here surrounding the coin but I do know it is a typical gift to a newborn and the parents can convert the coin into cash for whatever baby needs.

Below is a picture I am throwing in, even though it has nothing to do with the topic at hand.

Language teacher and her husband - love them.

My language teacher asked me if I kept DB's umbilical cord after it fell off. I didn't. She said I should have because I could take it to an university that I want her to go to and surreptitiously throw it over the fence onto their property. That will ensure DB's acceptance to the university one day.

Babies are considered angels. I was feeding DB and my guests were getting ready to leave. I made as if I was going to get up and they fussed at me and told me to stay put because DB is an angel. I don't know if that meant that I needed to handle DB in some especial way.

Every time they ooohed and ahhed over the baby, they say "mas'allah" and spit twice. Not literally on the baby. They do this to keep jealous spirits or evil eye from harming the baby. Or at least, that's my understanding. "Mas'allah" means "as God wills."

They also seem to think the slightest breeze that runs over the baby will get her sick. The first two weeks of DB's life were very hot and I had the AC running and DB was covered with a blanket. The guests I was hosting scolded us for having the AC running. I obliged and turned it off and just patiently roasted in my own apartment until my guests left and I could turn it back on. They commented that DB's skin had become red and I politely pointed out that she turns red when she is hot and that's why we run the AC. I also said American babies like it cool (wink) and they seem to accept that. They wouldn't have accepted my more logical explanation that babies adjust and become used to whatever temperature you keep.

Since then, the weather has cooled down enough that I don't need the AC anymore and open windows suffice to keep cool. Today, I was admonished for having various windows open because the baby might get sick (I just can't win). They also said the reason behind her spitting up is the lovely breeze running through the apartment (huh?). They were concerned about which windows were open and had me shut one and leave the others. I didn't understand the logic behind that and didn't bother asking.

The same guest I hosted today immediately told me after coming into my apartment that I was holding my baby wrong. That got my hackles up. The three times that I've had nationals in my home since DB was born a month ago were full of advice and scolding concerning the baby (and her big sister on occasion), such as how I was holding her, how often I should feed her (every time DB made a peep or fussed, they said I needed to feed her, regardless that I'd just fed her half hour before), how she should be laying, where to set her down in the living room (out of the way, out of the breeze, away from anything that might fall on her during an earthquake), how often she needed to be bathed, how I should put her down to sleep, etc.

Wouldn't that drive you insane? It's driving me nuts because my culture is clashing with theirs. I have to accept that this is their culture. It's okay to advise, scold, and boss each other to death concerning childcare and probably everything else. I could do it also and they wouldn't bat an eye. This is a family- and group-oriented culture, the complete opposite of our individualistic, independent culture of America. In America, no mother would put up with another mother telling her how to raise her children. Most of us will tactfully keep quiet and avoid meddling in other people's business.

I was told the two ways to respond are a) "my mother taught me" and b) "this is how we do it in America."

Why response A works: this culture places a big premium on mothers. From what I have observed and heard, mothers are the ones who rear their children, pass down cultural norms, and basically educate their children. Every child grows up believing everything his mother said. If a mother told her child that indoor plants in a room suck the oxygen out and the child grows up and learns in biology class that plants actually create oxygen as a byproduct through photosynthesis, he will still believe his mother over his education. A friend of mine who earned his MBA here said his professor bemoaned the fact that the biggest thing holding this country back is the mothers because they continue to perpetuate myths and beliefs that can keep people in a grip of irrational fear and ignorance. So, if I say that my mother taught me, they respect that and leave me alone.

Why response B works: they understand things are done differently in other cultures and usually accept that fact. I submit to their culture in many ways, but there are things I won't budge on (like parenting) and will use this response.

So, I will have some tough navigation ahead. Even with the unsound advice, scolding, and myths driving me crazy, I will need to maintain a delicate balance of grace and respect without giving up my parenting philosophy and without alienating the people that I came to build relationships with.

Well Done

I'm frequently immobile throughout the day when I sit down and nurse little D and now that she's in that stage where her maturing brain is not letting her nap well during the day, I also spend a good deal of the day soothing her to sleep either in my arms or in the bouncy seat where I bounce her with my foot while I do something else. So while nursing or gently bouncing little D to sleep, I usually have a book or my laptop.

This morning, I had already sat down and started nursing little D when I felt ready to have my time with the Father but didn't have the Good Book next to me. I did have my laptop so I went to a website I frequently go to for Sunday morning "lectures", if you catch my drift, articles, devotions, and anything I can learn from or be encouraged. I recently started reading short biographies on this website and today, I selected this famous man who lived and then died at the age of 29 in the 1700s, working among the Indians in the New England area. His diaries were published posthumously (which makes me cringe to think of all the diaries I have written in - hope they don't ever get published!) and became such an encouragement to people afterwards that this book, published in the 1700s, have never gone out of print.

The person to whom the website belongs enumerated reasons why the life of this man who died at 29 years old was such an encouragement to many people for two centuries. Two centuries. Amazing. As I read through them, I was encouraged myself. The young man endured a lot of hardships and a good deal of them was related to his health. He had tuberculosis and suffered with it for 9 years until his death. Through all the poor health, wracking coughs and pain, and other trials, he kept working among the Indians faithfully.

One particular hardship that this man struggled with encouraged me. He frequently felt tremendous compassion and love for the Indians he worked to reach with the Good News. He also frequently felt lack of compassion and ardency for the lost state of their souls and even dreaded speaking to the Indians as he went out to them and he expressed guilt about it. I definitely relate to this, especially the guilt. It's this particular struggle, among others, that has caused me to wonder many times why the Father called me to come here. I felt as if this struggle was an indication that I should not be here, that I should be sent home in shame.

I was suddenly reminded this morning of the parable LJC told of the talents. Three servants were entrusted with talents by their master who was leaving on a long journey. Two obeyed his command concerning the talents; one did not. When the master returned, his response to the two obedient servants were: "Well done, good and faithful servant."

The master praised their obedience - not whether they felt like being obedient.

This great man remained faithful and obedient until he died. Furthermore, this great man that everyone admires was a normal man who, besides the trials, had normal struggles with periods of discouragement, depression, spiritual dryness, lack of ardency for the lost, etc and yet the Father called this man to the Indians. LJC calls the imperfect, ordinary, weak people. Now I don't feel so bad....

So, it doesn't matter that I don't feel good enough and that I don't always feel compassion, love, and utmost concern for the lost people I am called to; my flesh is weak and my tender Father knows. What matters is that I am faithful to obey my calling in spite of it. I can approach the throne with confidence and ask for abundant gr@ce and energy to do what I am called to do each day and receive more than enough. When I come face to face with LJC one day, I want to hear from him:

Well done, good and faithful servant.

Darcy Brynn

I posted about Darcy's birth on the girls' blog if you're interested in reading about the labor and delivery: (click here)  or
copy and paste the following: http://kidrobinett.blogspot.com/2012/08/darcy-brynns-birth.html

This Is How We Roll

We're totally rocking this funny little foreign car. It's a Fiat Doblo, assigned to us by our company, a stick shift and drives like a van. Note the hubcap - it's the only one left on the entire car. I know I lost one hubcap side-swiping a car. We used to share this car with another family who has lost a hubcap or two.

It's madness driving in this densely populated city that suffers from terrible congestion in their streets and highways. For example, it took us 2 hours to drive 20 miles from the airport to our house today. Google Maps will tell you that it should take you 29 minutes to drive that 20-mile route from the airport. HA! Why did it take us 2 hours? There are a lot of bottlenecks on that route and too many people driving.

Here, drivers do not drive in an orderly way and they cut each other off constantly. Horns blare all the time. There are millions of one-way streets and the city isn't planned very well at all. It can be bewildering. I sideswiped a car and lost the hubcap because I was driving on a very narrow cobblestone street with both sides jammed with parallel-parked cars. I don't like driving here and don't drive very far - just in my municipality (friends' houses, grocery store, park, etc). G loves driving here because it's challenging and he drives with one hand on the horn perpetually.

Definitely experiencing city life....

Still Waiting

Yep, Baby Baby hasn't made her appearance yet. I still have about 5 days to go until the due date. My OB thinks the baby won't come until the due date or after. We'll just have to wait and see. If I end up having to be induced, so be it...just not on my birthday.

I'm still in language and we've been getting ready for the baby. We cleaned the house of all the dirt that blew in from open windows, set up the baby's bed, washed baby clothes and put them away, stocking up the kitchen with food, packed my hospital bag and A's overnight bag, tying up miscellaneous loose ends. I remember having all of this done long before A was born but this time, it wasn't until my 38th week that we got to work getting ready for this baby. 

I've also been busy making freezer meals this week and they should be enough to last about two weeks. We have a few families who will bring meals the first week after the baby is born but I really wanted an extended time of ready-made meals. There is nothing that I hate more than staring at the refrigerator and the pantry, trying to think of what to make, especially when cooking isn't my favoritest thing to do. I'll already be unmotivated as it is...

Speaking of freezer meals, I still have banana bread and chocolate zucchini muffins to bake and freeze for breakfast. I might have a muffin or two before putting the rest in the freezer. :-) 

I better get started...